For the 'Geriatric' Mamas

Some Encouraging Words For The Older Than Average Mother

Black female doctor and black pregnant woman

I got married when I was 33 years old. Well, my civil wedding was two days before my 33rd birthday. My traditional wedding and church wedding came afterwards. My husband and I always planned to wait a couple of years to have children. I initially had no interest or desire to have kids but that’s a story for another day.

I knew I would possibly be older than the average mother when we decided to start trying but it didn’t bother me. I had seen my sister and sister-in-love both have babies in their thirties, not necessarily complication-free but not life-threatening or anything close. I also had friends who had babies in their twenties, again, not complication-free, so I didn’t think the process of conceiving and having babies complication-free or not was only tied to age. I was well aware, rather, I had heard that the older you get the harder it is to conceive. But this didn’t deter me and I was willing to risk it. I trusted that when I was ready, I would have my babies. My husband was also adamant about the same thing. We would not have to wait for our babies to come when we were ready ( more like when God was ready).

I remember visiting a friend who’s about ten years older than me. And I brought up my desire to wait to have kids. She told me that most women she knew who were a little older and decided to delay having kids using birth control still didn’t have kids in their forties.

To give context, in my culture it is unusual to wait to have kids. The norm is to conceive on the night of your wedding. Well that’s the most common prayer you’ll hear on your wedding day. So waiting to have kids is one thing but waiting to have kids as a woman in your thirties??? Abomination. Unusual.

I brushed off what my friend said but it bothered me a little. To be honest, a seed of doubt had been sown. I got home and my husband who had no idea of the earlier exchange between me and this lady chose that moment to remind me of what God had said to us. ‘ We would not wait to have kids when the time came'.’ I love how God speaks and assures us when we need it.

I got pregnant immediately after I took out my birth control. I’ve been pregnant twice and had both babies vaginally(there’s nothing wrong with a C.S.), without any complications. I got pregnant with my first child a month or so before I turned 35, so when I went for my first check-up/scan, I had turned 35. The doctor asked my date of birth and after he did the scan, he called my husband and I into his office for a ‘talk’. There are risks to being pregnant and 35 and he took me through all of them. Instead of having a monthly appointment, I would have one every two weeks. I was ‘geriatric’.

A geriatric mum is a woman who is pregnant and 35 or over. Although it’s now called ‘advanced maternal age.’

Depending on where you live this may or may not be brought up. I was in another country for my second pregnancy and it was never mentioned. This was my first pregnancy though, so it did cause some fear, as does most things with getting pregnant and having children when you’re considered older.

I’m sharing this for my older women who are considered ‘geriatric’ and may be feeling a little anxious.

You know you’re going to have babies someday but based on your situation currently, you’ll probably be at an ‘advanced maternal age’.

Or you’re currently pregnant and in this bracket.

Or you’re having a second baby and in this bracket.

Your experience doesn’t have to be what is considered the norm or what other people experience.

Black pregnant woman relaxing and reading a book

A couple of things I did in my almost two years child free:

• I closed my ears to naysayers and enjoyed the decision I had made. I enjoyed my time child-free with my husband and kept trusting that when the time was right I would have peace about it and I would get pregnant, despite my age, despite using birth control, et al. Did I have doubts sometimes, especially when maternal statistics for women over 35 flashed through my mind? Yes, but I didn’t dwell on it. Also, I wasn’t exactly pining for children so I think that helped.

• I prepped my body for pregnancy. I’m not the healthiest person but at the very least, I wanted to try. So I cut out a lot of junk and fried food and drank only water (and some coffee) for months before I took out my IUD. I felt great for doing this.

Although my experience wasn’t seamless(I wrote about my experiences below), it was a very far cry from the predicted possible outcomes.

So, trust God but know that whatever your experience is, God is still good.❤️

---

If you would like to support the New Mums Room editorial and podcast, but can’t afford to upgrade to a paid subscription, you can buy me a coffee, it would mean the world to me.